How I deal with feelings. How I deal with facts.

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The purposes for writing, or the premise behind a writing is very important for the audience to understand.  The subject matter of any material has a why behind it.  A reason.  What motivated this particular writing?  In studying for informational purposes, I generally leave feelings out of it.  There is a time for feelings.  I take the position that in some cases dealing with non-fiction can go either way, but the subject matter dictates that direction.  This does not mean that they cannot be mixed within a particular writing.  They can very well be so.  Facts and truth are not always the same thing, though I once believed this.  Allow me to demonstrate.

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There are two men, both became prison inmates.  On the surface the outcome is the same.  It is indeed a fact that they are both inmates.  We could stop there and declare that they are both convicts and leave it at that.  But upon further review, if we desire to know the reasons behind why they are convicts, this then is an entirely different matter.  One of our convicts was a career criminal from his early adolescent years, who finally racked up enough charges to be put away for a very long time.  The second convict had a clean record and was never convicted of any crime.  He was wrongfully charged by a witness who said that they saw him commit a crime but there was no real evidence and the truth is that it was not him at all. He was wrongfully convicted of a crime but in the end, he still became a prison inmate.  The fact that they are prison inmates is just that.  One fact.  The entire set of facts demonstrates that they have entirely different backgrounds and there was an entirely different set of circumstances that brought them to the same outcome.  One can say that fact and truth is the same when you have all of the pieces of the puzzle.  This is true.  But the point here is to demonstrate that outer appearances are not always what they seem.  So, fact and truth are the same and then they are not.  Facts can lose their validity over time.  The fact here is the outcome.  The outcome holds true.  But the truth is also that the second convict is not a criminal.  He is a convict by circumstance.  This is what is involved in the process of obtaining information by one who desires to show as many sides of a situation as possible as a way to broaden their own views and the views of others.

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Emotions are important.  Feelings are what makes us human.  Those that are close to us and love us are all aware of not only their own feelings but of ours as well.  How a person is approached in relation to their feelings is determined by the one doing the approaching, and the approached.  Some may regard your feelings, and some may not.  I have taken the position that there are things that I am going to tolerate and there are things that I am not going to tolerate.  I am sure I am not alone in this.  Communicating feelings in a written work is not easy at times.  You can give examples by displaying conversation.  You can also, in a lengthy or semi-lengthy way, describe your emotions from a particular time.  We are what we feel, even if our feelings lack a real context.  Feelings are real even if they are not connected to an event that took place in time.  Some of us can relive emotions so vividly, that it is as if we are back in that time-frame all over again.  I take the position that feelings are private, they belong to you, you share them as you decide.  How others respond to feelings can have a positive or negative effect on the issuer of those feelings.  Feelings like love are expressed in words and actions which are the only way that that love can be shown to another party that they may begin to understand exactly what your particular love means. 

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Where is this going?  I am here to write about facts more so than feelings.  I’m not against writing about feelings.  That just isn’t my main goal.  I will bring those in from time to time.  But my primary focus is to provide information.  Information that the user can use at their own disposal.  They can chart their own course.  Whatever they decide, they decide. But it is or will be they who decide.  For many years I sought mentor-ship because I lacked the confidence and experience that I believed would be necessary for the pubic to take me seriously.  I knew many things but didn’t have the heart to sit down and place it in a coherent and organized way.  That is a display of feeling.  Lack of confidence which is due to a lack of past success.  Confidence is built off what a person has learned over time that they are capable of.  If you are unaware of what you are capable of, how can you be confident in anything?  So, I did what I thought necessary to gain confidence.  I even tried the fake it until you make it method.  It actually does work.  But it is my position that there will come a time where you will have to walk up to that bridge railing, fasten the bungee rope around your legs, and jump.  After all, life is for the living.

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I have become more fact based over the years because I wanted to step out of my emotions, which can cloud at times, and look at the events.  Look at the surroundings.  Look at the behavior.  Know what took place from a play by play.  The only way that you can really know what a person thinks is if you step back and watch how they respond to certain stimuli.  Analyze.  It’s not always what a person says.  I would venture off to say that many of us say quite a bit that we don’t mean at times.  Sometimes innocently and at other times deliberately.  We generally do what we believe unless the environment dictates otherwise.  I’ve learned this over time.  Of course, a balance is needed.  Which is where story writing comes into play. A good story can have a profound impact on people if done correctly.  With a desire to balance what I provide, I have concluded that the incorporation of stories will be relevant from time to time. 

Survey Time

 

Currently, we are conducting our research into the specifics of the modern dating market while utilizing various sources.  Previously in the July 23, 2018 blog post, “The Work Volume III – The Balancing Act Between Men ≠ Women: A Discussion on Relationships and Sex (https://thework2017.com/2018/07/23/the-work-volume-iii-the-balancing-act-between-men-≠-women/),” we mentioned the following,

 “Interviews with men and women will be conducted as well and incorporated into the work.  We believe that utilizing different angles on these topics to bring home the main focus of the work will provide the audience with more than enough to continue the human mating and nature exploration.  The three main areas of the work’s focus will be: Some of how we got here, where we are, and Where we might be headed.

 

In an effort to stay on track and keep our word, it has been brought to our attention that one of, perhaps the most, effective way to interview people, outside of grassroots or on the ground, is to conduct our interview via questions submitted online.  We desire to share a link with those who are interested, utilizing Google+, have you fill out our questionnaire and send it back to us.  Those who are interested, please leave a comment below on this blog, or contact us on twitter, and let us know if sharing the Google+ link with you is okay, or please provide us with another means of getting the interview questionnaire to you.  We hope that you participate and look forward to hearing back from you soon.

A Costly Journey

 

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           While conducting research for “The Work Volume III – The Balancing Act Between Men  Women: A Discussion on Relationships and Sex,” new ideas for further, future written works have come to the surface.  As we took a more comprehensive and exhaustive look at the dynamics of finance, economics, demography, human nature, modern civilization, genetics, male and female intersexual dynamics, biology, etc., we began to realize that we were focusing on the trees instead of noticing the forest which encompasses them. 

 

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            Since we have now a recognizable pattern to take a more forest instead of the trees approach to where we are in modern civilization, our next work will more than likely be a magnum opus work that will conclude our investigation into human nature in the modern sense, from an approach to the many facets of modern civilization.  We will then return to ancient civilization in an effort to explain our origins from a more detailed and exhaustive way.

 

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            Doing these types of research can be time consuming and take a great deal of sacrifice and discipline.  But it was our passion to embark on this journey, not just for our own benefit, but for those who would also see a benefit in the work as well.

 

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             A few things that we have learned along this road that we have taken to heart and will take to our graves.  One, this work is not for everyone.  Two, nothing in this life is free, even if it doesn’t necessarily cost money. Three, much of this type of work is thankless due to many not desiring to not only not embark on such journeys, but also many don’t see the benefit in understanding the world and the environment in which they inhabit.  Finally, we do this because we love it.  We do this because we love you.

 

P.S., We invite you to come along on this voyage, this journey.  Who knew what this journey would cost us?

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Concise Explanation of “College Education and Dating/Mating”

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            In a recent “scholarly” article that we have completed entitled, “College Education and Dating/Mating”, we chronicled some key aspects of the marriage and non-marriage markets in regard to education and employment, with a focus on assortative mating.[1]  We used very good source material to demonstrate that those with college education, in general, desire to marry others with college education.

 

 

            We also showed some of what those with college education who desire to marry others with college education may be missing out on in choosing not to marry those that are not college educated.  While college education does generally place one in the best possible situation to move higher up the economic ladder, there are still many good jobs that pay well that do not require college education, some of which may never go away and still place a person in a reasonable position to continue to move up the economic ladder as well.[2]

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            While this document is somewhat “scholarly,” it does go into a good amount of detail to demonstrate the key aspects, as some have seen them, on the importance of education to many people.  One key aspect that it shows regarding education is the social status issue.  Education seems to place one in a higher social status and even places one in a higher social class.[3]

 

 

            Throughout the years, we have witnessed many who were auto didactics[4] who obviously did not just focus on their professions that generally were not college related.  While college does open one up to different subject matters and exposes them to the learned environment, college alone does not prove intelligence.  As a matter of fact, we have observed a good number of college graduates who beyond their own individual degree focuses, could tell you little to nothing about anything else.  It would appear that many of them stopped studying post college. This is in no way to slight college graduates for the simple fact that some of us attended community colleges as well as university.  But the reality is that college does place one on the path, depending on degree focus and level of education, to higher income potential, higher social status and class, and in today’s sexual marketplace more viable for the consideration of marriage.

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            In today’s environment of the sexual marketplace, men and women, generally, desire to attract the best possible mate that their looks and their bonus material, i.e., education, employment, automobile, place of residence, style of dress, charisma, charm, game, etc., can attract.  Some desire marriage early, others over time, while others play the field for a prolonged if not indefinite period of time.  It was important that we have labored through all of this information, with more to come, to demonstrate some of the reasons of why we are where we are today.

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            We hope that you take a look and that the information is helpful.  If you desire to comment, please comment here and let us know what you think.  The link to the document is provided to the right of the page under “Scholarly Articles”, at https://independent.academia.edu/BenjaminBrasford.

 

[1] Assortative Mating – Denoting or involving the preferential mating of animals or marriage between people with similar characteristics. Oxford Dictionary Online.

 

Assortative Mating – a: mating between the more similar individuals of a population especially when regarded as a factor in evolutionary differentiation within a population.

b: selective mating between individuals whose choice of marriage partners is determined by similarity of social environment

. Merriam Webster Dictionary Online.

 

[2] See “Good Jobs That Pay without a BA: A State-by-State Analysis” completed by the Georgetown University Center on Education and the Workforce at https://goodjobsdata.org/

 

[3] See the essay “College and the New Class Divide” completed by Jeffrey J. Williams at https://www.insidehighered.com/views/2016/07/11/how-college-helping-create-class-divide-america-essay

[4] Autodidact – A self-taught person. Oxford Dictionary Online.

The Work Volume III – The Balancing Act between Men ≠ Women: A Discussion on Relationships and Sex


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                In an effort to piggyback off from the “B’s Epiphany on Dating and Mating” blog post, we decided to do a detour from the exploration of human history related writing, to expand the discussion on human relationships with a specific focus on male and female intersexual dynamics.  We will take a more exhaustive approach on this subject from the standpoint of the social sciences.  Historically we will incorporate evolution, human psychology, sexuality, cognitive processes, marriage, dating, and perhaps an analysis to see where things may go moving forward in history.

 

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                Terms and concepts from the Manosphere will be utilized as well in this next work.  This work will include scholarly referenced material as well as life experience from ourselves and from the observation of the lives of others.  We have learned quite a bit about the topic of human mating and human nature in general in relation to what drives the human race as a whole to keep moving despite the societal, cultural, economic, political and environmental changes. 

 

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                Interviews with men and women will be conducted as well and incorporated into the work.  We believe that utilizing different angles on these topics to bring home the main focus of the work will provide the audience with more than enough to continue the human mating and nature exploration.  The three main areas of the work’s focus will be: Some of how we got here, Where we are, and Where we might be headed.

 

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              This work will be a rough sketch of some of the main reasons of how we got here, where we are, and where we might be going in regard to the dating scene.  We found that while discussing the non-marriage market, it cannot be a complete discussion without discussing the marriage market as well.  At the end of the day, whether you are dating, married, or decide to remain celibate, understanding your own and the opposite gender, can be beneficial in life overall.  Nature is neither good nor evil.  It just is.   

 

 

The Journey Part II

 

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Living life is difficult enough. Writing about that life is an entirely different issue. Over the years, I had thought that I was a fairly decent communicator. I subsequently realized that I was not as good as a communicator as I thought. I was a very good English student in grade school as well as in college. After many years of reading various different types of material, I had learned how to communicate well from reading other people’s words.

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It wasn’t until my first editing experience, that I realized that I was not as good a writer as I had thought. I thought that I had gone through enough red markings and need for corrections during grade school and college. I later found out that the learning process of writing is never truly over.

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It is one thing to place your thoughts via words onto paper, whether written or typed. It is another thing to be able to properly follow the basic rules of English. The one thing that I did have going for me was the fact that I was at the very least consistent. That consistency aided me in knowing that not all hope in being a writer was over. We are all good at some things. Other things we are not so good at. When you are honest with yourself, you can then realize that you need assistance. I may be many things and many things I accept that I am. One thing that I am not is afraid to admit when I am not good enough in one area or another.

 

I had learned over the years that life is for the living. No matter how much you talk to others, how many books you read, how many things that you may think you know, experience is the best teacher. Experience is the qualifier or disqualifier. You will know what you are good at when it works for you consistently. It may not work always, but if it works the majority of the time, that will give you the confidence that you are good at it. Conversely,[1] you will know that you are not good at something when it consistently does not work for you. It is a way to let you know that perhaps you should try something else.

I am always willing to learn from others and do my very best to take others seriously. Especially if it is clear that they know well what they are doing. I do my best to learn from others’ mistakes as much as possible so that I can preserve my life as much as possible. Once you have been through some tough situations in life, you begin to look for opportunities to ensure that you will no longer waste time, effort, and money.

 

As the last stages of Volume II of the Work culminates,[2] I have learned so much over the years about life. I have learned so much about people and how they work. This is a life long process. I do not in any way believe that I know all that there is to know about people. I don’t think that there is any we can know all that there is about anything in one lifetime. I do know much more about life and people than I knew before.

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I had no idea that during this journey I would through perusing the various material that I did, that I would stumble upon the focal point leading to understanding people. I had thought that this study was to learn about myself and what happens after we leave here, or at the very least the meaning of life. I do not attest[3] to know what the meaning of life is. I am still learning just as I am sure that many others, if not all of us, are doing so.

[1] Conversely – Introducing a statement or idea which reverses one that has just been made or referred to. Oxford Dictionary Online.

[2] Culminate – Reach a climax or point of highest development. Oxford Dictionary Online.

[3] Attest – Declare that something exists or is the case. Oxford Dictionary Online.

The Journey Part I

 

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Later than many would like too, I began attending college during a career shift, in my early thirties.  I had no idea that I would aspire to write about what I had begun learning by the time my exploration into religion and history began.  I was more concerned with learning on my own, in my own way, than one day taking time to sit and write about it.  While attending college courses, juggling a family, and attending church occasionally, I would study religion and history instead of focusing on my college studies.  All of this was quite a difficult feat to take on, which is why my family would later dissolve.  Once the house of morals began to fail (the idea of church being the teacher and demonstrator of what is right and honorable), other things began to fail as well.  This is not to say that I am not a moral person.  What changed in regard to my morals at the time was the focus.  All through the day and many hours into the late night, I would be searching for answers.  Unlearning what I had learned and re-learning.  In agony at times, and in tears at others, I marched through the material that I began acquiring over time.  

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Not only did I read the subject matter of the books that I had obtained, but I had began contacting the authors of those books to ask questions.  Some of those authors, I would talk to via e-mail while others I would talk to through social media.  I would eventually get the phone numbers of some of the authors while others I would develop quasi-relationships that still lasts today.  I took an out of the box approach in my studies mainly because I was not attending college for religious and historical studies.  I went to college for entirely different subject matter and into an entirely different field of study.  One of the major things that helped me become better at reading and understanding difficult subjects was through the practice of while reading utilizing dictionaries and asking questions.  I would listen to podcasts from various authors, lecturers, and even scholars for several hours daily.  I was also a very good English student all through high school and even in college.  I learned to listen to people and since I naturally have a photographic memory, I learned that I had the ability to retain information more so than the average person.  I never forget much, and if I do forget something temporarily, it somehow always at a later time crept back into my conscious. 

 

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The more time that you put into anything right, wrong or indifferent, the better you become at it.  Diligence is key to becoming a master instead of just a jack of the trades.  My quest for understanding grounded me in the determination that I had to learn and the amount of intelligence that I had naturally, which I was largely unaware of for most of my life, is what perhaps sealed the deal on me grasping the information and being able to speak from the top of my head at a moments notice.  It seemed that those late nights reading the bible and practicing scripture memorization (I had for a time memorized verbatim two scriptures daily) was just a peak into what I would be doing many years later. 

 

There was not a single author that I contacted that did not at the very least get back to me if for no other time but once.  Just like then, even now I care about getting as close to the source as possible.  The horses mouth if you will.  So, if I was going to be wrong, then that would mean that the person who I was reading and using in my own source material had to be wrong as well. I had learned how to separate my opinion and leave it out of the discussions when it came to explaining another’s position, whether I agreed with them or not. 

 

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Over time as I began to share with those that were close to me what I had learned, I was disheartened to know that many of them were not interested in the same things.  It took some time to accept this reality.  Everything is not for everyone.  The mundane just didn’t interest me anymore nor did the latest trends in fashion, movies, etc.  I, then, began to look at life from a different perspective.  Everything became serious.  Except for some of the most important responsibilities that I had.  Too much of anything is not good and not enough of what should be is just as bad.  I take full responsibility for my decisions and I don’t make excuses for what I have done, nor do now.  I accepted that the people that I had wronged for whatever reason have every right to tell me to go to hell or treat me like a stranger.  I understood and understand that.  I included that within my analysis after some time.  They owe me nothing and at the end of the day I knew that that door swings in both directions. 

 

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Due to taking this new path, most things just no longer mattered.  If they no longer mattered, then talking about them, stressing over them, complaining about them made little sense.  If it doesn’t matter, then it doesn’t matter.  In an effort to remain relatable with others to some degree, I would force myself to remain aware with what was going on in the world.  So, I utilized my ability to find those who knew more or less what they were talking about when it came to the major issues.  We all have limitations.  But some people are ‘expert’ in some matters so to speak.  When it comes to the environment and what direction the world is going, I kept up with economics, politics (national and geopolitical), real estate, male and female relationships, religion, and occasionally sports.  There were other subjects of course that I kept up with as well.  I developed a care for knowing what’s going on around me and in the broader society.  Some things we have solutions for and others we do not.  Some things we have to accept that they are that way and there is little that we can do about it.  We have to accept those things.  No matter how good we have it, some things we are going to have to deal with, whether we like them or not.  Perfection is obtainable in some things, good or bad, and other things just take longer to tackle. 

                                     

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I ended up losing many friends and walked away from many relationships if those did not end because the other person chose to end it.  We all grow differently.  Trust, too, is a fragile thing.  It can be easily broken, and some people are just not for each other for one reason or another.  In my relationships with women, I found that in general, we just did not want the same things out of life.  After having been married for many years, time becomes a much more precious and expensive commodity.  The last thing I want to do is hold anyone back and I sure abhor being held back, myself.  We all come to our own conclusions and there is little change in regard to anyone unless major life events take place.  Perhaps the next time around, if there is in fact another one, will be different.  Perhaps better.